I must be too annoying 4 u.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
