he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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