this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
