I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
