We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
