I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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