When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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