I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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