Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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