Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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