i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
