you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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