my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
