So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize