im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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