tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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