can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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