my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
