You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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