Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize