It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize