I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Mom said you looked used
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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