I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
