Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
