you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you win again, gameday.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
