Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
