Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
