Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
