I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
