That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
MIDGETS
????
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
