we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
