We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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