whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
