It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
