If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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