I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
