did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
