the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize