I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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