I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
