Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
