Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
