and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize