i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
