she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
