Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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