This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think my moral compass just broke
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
