my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
