I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
