i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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