I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Come see our sink grown plant.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize