Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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