could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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