Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
