I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
