Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
