I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
