I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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