The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your penis caused this!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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