i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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