on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
this is an emotional support booty call
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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