You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
