sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I died a long time ago.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
