we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
