When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
