Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
