Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
