Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
