if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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