You're my little dorito
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize