it's too hot outside to masturbate.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
