was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I deserve to be covered in dicks
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
