kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
