dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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