dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
