Who did Billy Mays play for?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
