No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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