Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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