finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
