I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
