Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
