The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
