Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
