I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
