Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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