Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
