She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
