also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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