You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
