i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
