I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
