Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
