Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
