My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
