I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
