Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
