I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
