At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
