were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize