it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found your dick twin last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
