i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
