There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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